Russian Tsar’s, Cuban Cigars and Mayonnaise Jars…
It’s the news we’ve all been waiting for folks; The Mayonnaise EP has dropped like a gloopy droop of heavenly glunk from a galactic egg white factory deep within a galactic cosmic nebula! No yolk.
It’s the long awaited follow up to 2010’s Twatty Beef Flinchers and an experimental wander through Brit-tronic music as curated by Captain Beefheart playing a Super NES. The Mayonnaise EP is allegedly the first part in a condiment themed trilogy of EP’s that, according to a press release from Tim Boring’s management team, highlights the discord in condiment culture worldwide. The EP can be downloaded from Bandcamp, streamed from Soundcloud or even purchased in it’s ‘Ultimate’ form as a jar of Mayonnaise with a USB key containing the music and artwork at the bottom. However, it seems the main method of distribution for the Ultimate edition is to actually go to the Boringoplex and collect one, providing ol’ Tenderloin is home of course. Official reports state that fridge space is limited at Tim Boring HQ, so act fast to avoid the inevitable olfactory suckerpunch associated with woefully old Mayonnaise.
As opposed to doing the sensible thing and supporting the new EP with a summer festival tour, Tim Boring has stubbornly decided to resurrect his ‘DJ Tan-Linez’ moniker and begin a two month autumnal residency in an Ibiza based, Irish owned venue called ‘The Sweaty Craic’. Conjecture has it that he’ll play the 30 minute extended mix of 2 Unlimited’s ‘No Limit’ at the apex of every nights set. His reason being that everyone does indeed have their limits and the radio friendly 4 minute version doesn’t nearly push them close enough to the max. Or as he put it ‘2 da MACKS.’.
Efforts to contact Tim Boring for comment have long ago been abandoned, yet he still managed to refuse correspondence with this eloquent mess of words:
“If a scientist could invent a sausage made of horseradish, bacon made of mustard or even a mushroom made of ketchup the public consensus would become attentively turgid like swollen ham. The kids just want the flavoursome sauce and not the nutritious stodge underneath, that’s pop culture all over, all salty flare and little else. The Mayonnaise EP is the natural antagonist to that train of thought, like the congealed skin on chip-shop gravy.”
The Mayonnaise EP is available to download from here with a ‘Pay What You Want’ pricing scheme. I even accept bits of string and hugs.
